hope.

i can't wait to be under the sheets with you, i can't wait to cuddle, i can't wait to spend time with you this weekend and i can't wait to be yours.

i understand.

"are you down because of me? i'm sorry. you're a friendly, cute, nice person to be around, but i'm just no ready to move on, not yet anyway."

are you there?

i held the stars to light where you are, when your enfeigned heart called to me. through the dark, soaked in the sound that rose from the ground. there i could. i felt, i felt you near.

now i see.

people have scars. in all sorts of unexpected places. like secret road maps of their personal histories. diagrams of all their old wounds. most of our wounds heal, leaving nothing behind but a scar. but some of them don't. some wounds we carry with us everywhere and though the cut's long gone, the pain still lingers.

distraction.

you skipped school today to be with me. we watched a movie and cuddled on the couch. every time you spoke to me, you would look me deep in the eyes. i couldn't hold on, looking back into your amazing blue eyes, your eyes are a distraction to my lips. i can bearly talk to you when you look at me as deep as you did. i'm sorry, i'd  love to stare like you do, but you lose me. you tie my tummy in a knot. you make me smile, ten times more than i want too.

hello again.

i think that maybe you are my favourite now, that maybe we are close enough to be how we used to be. remember? "best friends forever." maybe i didn't lie after all.

i know you feel this too.

we haven't spoken in awhile, and i'll be honest. i haven't even thought of you and i didn't think talking to you again would ever happen. i messed up more than enough times and i've said sorry more than enough times for you to believe. we spoke the other day, it made my day. it's weird, not laughing, not having anything to talk about, not planning anything in the weekends anymore, not looking forward to a class we share. it's just weird, not having you here. i just wish i could of been more of a best friend to you when i had the chance and i'm sorry i only thought of this now. p.s, i'm happy you're happy and i'm happy you're not taking his shit.

why?

it was like "i wish i was with you." then one night, you were with me. then days and nights after that. you didn't even talk to me. i haven't talked to you like we did before that night, in ages. why can't it go back to that? i don't want you, but i would like for you to keep in contact with me. i thought of you the other night, some body asked me why i was smiling and i couldn't even answer why.

i need a break. i need you.

when ever i try to make you smile, you push me away. when ever i try to help, you are ungrateful. thing is, i can't help it. when some ones upset, i'm upset. i need to help them to help myself. i'm weird like that. i can't help but try. i'm sorry, if that isn't enough. i wish you needed me too.

do you remember?

we used to be tight, so tight. then he came along. then he changed you, then we drifted apart. look at us now? we used to be as high as the mountains, now were at sea level. were starting to talk like we used too, starting to be as tight as we used to, were half way there my friend, half way there.

risk it.

"do you think you could see yourself with her?" "well, yeah, i could. but we are so close, i just couldn't ruin a friendship that is so amazing." "but being in a relationship with someone you're close with, can build your friendship and you can share everything with them." "i just don't want to risk it."

it's like you never existed.

i saw you today, (it's been awhile) in the crowd. i caught a quick glimpse of you looking over my way. i didn't know whether to smile or look down. so i just turned away and pretended you didn't exist.

i'm gone.

i don't remember how you used to be, i don't remember who you are now. i don't remember your voice. i don't remember the feeling you gave me. i don't remember your smile, your face, or even your eyes. i don't remember the way you treated me and i don't remember you caring. i'm starting to forget, and maybe this is the best thing for me, but maybe it's not.

little little.

i never thought i'd be writing something like this about you, ever. but, here i am. thinking about you constantly, waiting for you to tell me how you feel. being more than friends wouldn't ruin anything, i promise.

thinking of you.

"why are you smiling?" *long pause* *starts frowning* "i don't know."

again and again

you hurt me, again. you crushed my heart in the palm of your hands. 

you and me.

what day is it? and in what month? this clock never seemed so alive. i can't keep up and i can't back down. i've been losing so much time. it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do, nothing to lose. i can't keep my eyes off of you. one of the things that i want to say just aren't coming out right. i'm tripping on words, you've got my head spinning. i don't know where to go from here. there's something about you i can't quite quite figure out. everything you do is amazing, everything you do is right.

you deserve nothing.

you don't deserve to be missed. you fucked me over and i should have to say goodbye. not you.

fallen.

"you don't mean nothing, i don't want you, i don't need you, never loved you. you're nobody you'll never make it, you're a mistake." - i remember saying these few lyrics of our song to you. if only i could take this back. i miss you like crazy.

drowning.

it's been about three months now and i'm trying to figure out how could you? forget about who loves you the most, why would you? heal my heart, heal my brain, oh how i wish you could feel my pain.  i couldn't get you off my mind if i tried. 24/7, 365. my night's are so cold, my day's are so long. they say you don't know what you've got till it's gone. thinking about how much i miss it and miss you. you're steady walking around like i never existed. it's hard to understand, you've gotta another plan. you're amazing and it's time that you know it. so much love and it's time that i show it.